bubbles

No, that title isn't meant to reflect what my stripper name would be if i went into that line of work (besides, as most of you know, i already have a more-than-suitable moniker, which works for the sheer fact that it'll never be used for that purpose), the title is instead to point toward joy. the effervescence of life kind.

A few months ago, talking to my friend Mary during a particularly crunchy emotional time, she reminded me to continue to let my bubble of joy be present and i began to realize that i'd been bouncing around looking for it for some time. weird how the default position had always been to treat joy like a mirage, some fleeting glimpse of something that would rumble deep inside of me, begin to move up to the crown of my head, but somewhere around my heart (probably) i'd pop it. write it off (indigestion? too little sleep?). so i didn't fully hold it for very long. more honestly, i'd write it off because i was sure it would go away, so better to puncture it first. now i'm discovering that joy is all about the ebb and flow, come and go...if i allow it to stay it never disappears, just changes shape. Also, for me, i've found that my joy is more bubbly like Orange Crush all tickly in your nose and stuff, rather than big and encompassing like the Boy in the Plastic one (oh, John Travolta...what a fleeting little crush i had on you back then).

This summer i was at a barbecue where i watched this kid operate some huge bubble machine-gun. really...two hands were required (cuz i borrowed it to see how it worked). twas a bit more effort than the little wands in the bottles with the soapy water that i know better. Also, the big bubbles seemed laden down and didn't float as high as the baby bubbles. But i did appreciate the cool fractured rainbow colors that came off these large floating objects. And that's the thing, I realized that the joy floats in all shapes and sizes. All colors. and when the collective moan happens after the bubble bursts, it's only a second of ahhhhh, how sad. then we begin again to breathe into more joy.

I really appreciate and am paying more attention to how the feeling of lightness when i find my flow and lift from one move to the next (whether in the dance studio or just in the studio of living) happens with less fear of the consequences of bursting and going boom. what might get bruised, how silly i'll look. jeez, I get some good bruises just checking the mail, tho those aren't the ones i celebrate. instead i'll wave the wand, let life make more bubbles. tickle my nose.


one faction of my bubble crew from this summer.