letting go

From 4 to 6 on Saturday afternoons for the past two+ years, I've been in a semi-darkened room with my luscious ladies in Chelsea, NYC, shedding things: fear, inhibition, clothing, falseness. I've been gaining things, too: confidence, friendship, strength, power, patience.

Today, Saturday, at 4, I was in a room with bright sunshine sitting across from a guy named Toby in midtown, NYC shedding something: my wedding ring. I was gaining something also: freedom monetarily and emotionally. One more step in letting go. Funny, I thought I'd actually achieved that freedom already, but this afternoon really showed me how there's always a little more to embrace around every corner. I'm going to use some of the funds to sign up for some Alvin Ailey classes because I was feeling a p$nch and couldn't figure out how to move around it. But today I realized that letting go of the material stuff that I'd forgotten I even had is how moving forward looks for me these days.

I'm also starting a new S class this Wednesday with one of my vigilanteS. My new teacher, Cat, I hear she purrs... . And though I've always told myself I'm no good with change, I realize I've made that up. While I'm really thinking about how my Saturday afternoons shifted from I-Can't-Live-Without-You sensations when it came to my ladies and the moments we shared to an I-Need-Something-Else reality, I'm getting that it's OK to let go. And no one disappears. They just exist in another context, another time-frame, another situation. I've always been so afraid of people disappearing, so I held on tight. Now I get that I can let go, and it's alright. Oftentimes even better.

As I found out when Toby handed me a check, saying, "Gold went up in price on Friday, so you're lucky." Toby, you don't know how right you are, I thought. Shook his hand and headed for the elevator.