a Goldilox moment

Looking for the just-right. Interesting how that can be such a time-killer, a way to put off the settling down and in. Yesterday was the first day of some newness. I've taken on a freelance job that is not dependent on me showing up anywhere and I got a go-ahead to polish up a couple of things so that the agent I'd submitted my book proposal could shop it around. Both of these things are awesome, and also dependent on me getting on with it! So, of course it was crucial that I spend the first half of the day wandering around from location to location to find a spot that would be perfect for me to sit down and work. It had to be a table with a chair, some sunshine, but not too much that it would obscure my computer screen, maybe some music on in the background, but not too loudly...easy, right? hah. First I went to a local cafe, bought coffee, set myself up and found out they didn't have wi-fi access. hmmm. ok, took my coffee and wandered by Starbux. no. Came back to the apartment and went into the common garden. Literally went from table to table (there are three) and chair to chair (there are six, and two benches) and sat down at/in each. looked around at the view. What did I want to look at? What did I want to feel? By this time 2 full hours had gone by (and the kids at the play area next door were let out to frolic....oops, too much noise). After finding a table that worked, I sat there for another hour until I realized I was freezing and hungry. I finally came upstairs and settled down at my desk to finish off my work. Seriously: too big, too small, too hot, too cold...looking for the just right and realizing there's really no such thing from the outside in.

I kind of remembered this thinking about how when i'm in a writing groove, I could probably be hanging from my ankles (more about this later) and still go forward with the story. Which also reminded me that the romantic vision of how freeing it is to be your own boss is often much stronger as a wish than a reality. Writers might be singularly set up to be solo creatures, yet it can still be eerie to not speak to anyone for hours on end.

So yesterday I realized that just-right is whatever i decide it is, which will help me to stop avoiding the just-get-down-to-it.

And about hanging from my ankles (really this will tie into the just-right moments as well): Yesterday, while challenging/spinning/climbing through a new class (what's become one of my favorite hour's of the week), my teacher was watching me swing through a move i've done (in theory) many many times before, tho not under her tutelage. As she observed that I was stepping off on the wrong foot, and as I listened and corrected and then proceeded to step off on the wrong foot again and again, she said, that instinct must be somewhere deep in your body. Yes, see, i always thought i was doing it just right...and somewhere inside i stubbornly couldn't let that go, even tho i totally understood that it wasn't correct, in fact made the move harder. After class I was lucky enough to be in attendance at an open rehearsal for one of my favorite set of dancers, Jacoby & Pronk. As I sat in a dance studio with only about 15 other people watching these amazing bodies talking through routines and practicing over and over choreography they'd done many many times before, they became stuck on one move.
Drew Jacoby said, "Hmmm, maybe this motion is too deep in my body and I can't get to it anymore." And, there it is, i thought, the just-right. we think we've got it, but even if it shifts ever-so-little, it'll trip the whole thing out of focus. so spinning into the too big, the too little, the just right and making it our own, that's the challenge.

Now I'm off to eat some porridge and break some chairs (metaphorically speaking).

PS. if you're anywhere in the tri-state NYC area this saturday (14th), try to go to this Jacoby&Pronk performance/fundraiser. they're so deserving of the support and spotlight that will be shining on them! Here's a link:
http://jacobypronk.com/go/party.html