You know that feeling when your soul connects to something or someone and it just feels right? I have two amazing friends who, when they met the person who became their husband/wife, knew it as soon as they saw the person. And I'm pretty sure they still know it to this day. For me, I've had that happen about situations and accomplishments. After I'd quit the music industry, I was looking over the Teacher's and Writer's Collaborative Web site and I started to get really filled with emotion thinking about teaching writing workshops in the NYC public schools. At the time, I chalked it up to the sense of relief I might have being surrounded by actual nine year olds rather than adults who acted like they were nine. But nevertheless, something in me was touched, and I went on and did teach for many years in lots of schools and met amazing kids of all ages, some of whom may actually be acting like nine year olds in the music industry by now. Ah, the cycle of life.
When I used to watch the NYC marathon I would completely choke up as I saw the runners go by, from the elites to the mid-pack, I was incredulous. Then I took baby steps and worked my way up to my very own marathon(x's 3), following the thing that spoke to me. Same thing with S Factor and the dance: During my intro class, tears just fell onto that wooden floor as I watched the teachers demonstrate moves that I knew would help me embrace the sticky emotions I was rolling around in...even though at the time, I told myself I was doing it as cross-training for my first marathon. And now I can't imagine my life without those moments to fill me up. (As an aside, regarding tears, I realize if you did a quick word search of this collection of writing stuff you'd find many mentions of those falling from my eyes and it's all true, though they've been cleansing, moving and illuminating, not at all tragic. I am also lucky enough to laugh every day thanks to general joy and the guy I work with who has the good, dry sense of humor much needed when you work in an office or just live life in general.)
So I get that paying attention to those times that move me is the road map to my bliss. I'm the only one who is going to do the thing in just the way I'm gonna do it. And I'm not doing anyone any favors by holding back, by being shy of it or feeling I'm not worthy. Opportunities. They're everywhere. Even if one floats along by me, another will come. But my arms getting longer and stronger in plucking those moments and placing them within me. Even if they wiggle away, I tried and another will come along. There have been times lately where I've felt I may have been too bold in the holding. If so I'll remember that for next time, but I'd rather be exactly this self right now giving it a go, than stay put in the What Ifs. And I know there's really no endpoint, just an ongoing. When I crossed the finish line of my first marathon, I had been thinking during all my training that at that final moment I'd fall to my knees, arms raised to the sky, tears (yes, those) running down my face symbolizing that year's reality bites: a marriage ending, a house sold, a move made, while the Chariots of Fire theme song came booming over some mythical loudspeakers. Um, no, that did not happen. The only thing that dropped was one of the water bottles they'd given my running partner and I when we'd finished, and we watched it roll away, both of us knowing that if we tried to bend over to get it, we'd fall over and maybe never get up again. Then we smiled, maybe even giggled, and shuffled off to wrap ourselves up in something warm. Dazed, blissful and full of that thing called life.
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